by Linda Franklin

I was surfing the net and came across this article on how one Cougar Woman comes to peace with her sexuality.   I love it and thank you Your Tango  for publishing it.  It just may help a lot of women enjoy an exiting time in their lives without feeling the guilt or shame that society attaches to the older woman – younger man coupling.

I’m not what you’d call an incredibly sexual person. Not anymore, anyway. I’m still interested, mind you. I just have very specific preferences when it comes to sex. I’m in my fifties now (and hopefully wiser for the wear), so I no longer have the frisky energy of a younger woman. When I was young and hungry for sex, the world was my playground. I was out to conquer and be conquered. Age puts perspective on things.

In fact, it’s that very lack of desperation that’s freed me, sexually speaking. Having come to terms with the mature woman that I’ve become, I’m finally in touch with what I want. And what I want is younger men.

Fortunately, younger men seem to gravitate toward me, and I often find myself on the receiving end of some very flattering sexual attention. When I first noticed this phenomenon, I thought, Nah, what could these young dudes be seeing in me? I must be reading into it. Recently, a lovely man of about 23 approached me. He could hardly catch his breath while telling me how beautiful he thought I was. I laughed in his face. In my mind I looked more like an exhumed corpse than an object of lust on that bright (very bright) afternoon.

As he reached out to touch my bare arm in what became a seductively overt caress, I realized this guy was serious. And I must admit, it was an incredible turn on. He asked for my number and I gave it to him, still laughing. Did I really want to pursue this, or was this just a perfect moment unto itself? Either way, his attention thrilled me.

Apparently, I thrilled him too. In his eyes I could see the sincerity of his request; he really wanted me. It was exhilarating to be desired by such a young man. I woke up to the realization that, no, he wasn’t into the walking dead; he was interested in the woman that I sometimes forget I am. In our brief encounter, he made me feel young again. When I allowed myself to fantasize for a moment about this coming to fruition, I felt energized and beautiful in a way I hadn’t in years.

Of course, the road that led me here wasn’t a linear one. You’ve heard of the wisdom of age? Well, it’s yours to have, but the price is harsh: you have to survive your forties. If you can make it to 50, you can probably assume the worst is over. By then, all of your stupidest moves are behind you, you’ve raised as much hell as you’re ever going to and you’ve gotten your divorces out of the way. You’ve died hard and lived to tell. You got to watch your body unravel while your mind kept thinking it was 20. When women catch glimpses of their mothers in their own reflection, it’s not necessarily a good day. I spent my forties going insane.

I woke up in my fifties and suddenly — like some kind of hormonal wipeout — everything was fine. I had a clear vision: This is my one and only life; joy is wherever I find it. And I find it in writing, in being a successful single mom, and occasionally, I find it in surprisingly hot flirtations with men half my age.

The first man I ever fell in love with was in his twenties, and he was indeed the poster boy for what I considered to be perfect male beauty. I’ll never forget his soft face and flowing hair. The connection we had was strong and sexual. Memories of him will resonate with me forever. In my mind, I’m still that young woman. He’s still the type of man I prefer, all these years later.

So, the question really is: Do I actually sleep with any of these younger men who fawn over me?

Do I dare answer? The truth is, just knowing that they’re interested is a greater thrill for me than the act itself. 

This is not a new game. Young men have loved older women since the beginning of time, and women have adored the attention for just as long. Unlike our younger counterparts, experienced women are not attached to a future. There is no plan, no scheme, no agenda that might push a man away. No one’s putting a ring on it, and the biological clock isn’t ticking. In short, there’s no desperation. The sensual ‘cougar’ is a magnet for youthful male attention because she doesn’t want anything from him but his beauty, which is a huge ego trip for him and something he can deliver without much pressure.

For a young man, the older woman is the ultimate fantasy: she’s so out of his league, and while it intimidates him, it’s also incredibly erotic. Even though he senses that she is enthralled with the power he brings, the young man who craves the sexual attention of an older woman is brave, because she really does know more than him.

To know that in my fifties, I can still make a 23-year-old man tremble with a desire to please me … well, that sure does make me smile. Healthy lust is life-affirming and human sexual connection can be magical. Even the briefest of encounters can add years to our lives — and isn’t that what we’re all searching for?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

The pills were either a placebo or a new drug called Lybrido, created to stoke sexual desire in women. The women are  supposed to take the tablets before having sex, and for every time she puts a pill on her tongue, she was supposed to make an entry in her online diary about her level of lust.

The promise of Lybrido and of a similar medication called Lybridos, which Tuiten also has in trials, or of whatever chemical finally wins the race for F.D.A. approval, is that it will be possible to take a next step, to give women the power to switch on lust, to free desire from the obstacles that get in its way. “Female Viagra” is the way drugs like Lybrido and Lybridos tend to be discussed. But this is a misconception. Viagra meddles with the arteries; it causes physical shifts that allow the penis to rise. A female-desire drug would be something else. It would adjust the primal and executive regions of the brain. It would reach into the psyche.

For many women  the cause of their sexual malaise appears to be monogamy itself.  There are so many factors involved so reading the full article is suggested.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says, ”there’s no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

Can an affair actually help save a troubled marriage?  Believe it or not many women say it can.

1 in 3 reported that infidelity helped boost their marital sex life.

Of those who do have affairs, 73 per cent said that they are doing it because they feel neglected by their spouse or partner.

Among the women who said that neglect was the reason for their infidelity, many also cited not having their emotional needs met – a factor that played a significant role in their decision to find someone else.  This doesn’t come as a shock.  Feeling under appreciated, neglected and taken for granted is a common war cry amongst women.

‘The reality is that many people can’t leave their partners for financial reasons and women in particular are usually reluctant to sacrifice their family life.

‘So they are taking care of their needs outside marriage. They’re stepping into the male arena when it comes to infidelity.’

Relationship expert, Tracey Cox, comments: ‘Sometimes an affair can be a wake up call for a marriage and jolt one or both partners into realizing just how important they are to each other and how devastating it would be to lose them.’

But, in general, betrayal isn’t an easy pill to swallow by either partner.  Once the bond of trust is broken it’s very hard to knit it back together.

The way to solve problems in a relationship is to talk about them and confront them before there’s the temptation to play away.